Author: Joan Becker Friedman

How to Help Your Kids Share a Room Successfully

Joan Becker Friedman Common Sleep Challenges, Parenting, Toddler Sleep

If you have more kids than bedrooms, having your kids share a room is often a must. But even if your home has enough space for each child to have their own room, there are real benefits to having siblings share a room.

When kids share a bedroom, they often build a stronger bond. They learn to share, compromise, and respect each other’s space. They get to swap stories, whisper secrets, and create memories they’ll look back on for years. For little ones who feel anxious at night, having a sibling nearby can be a great source of comfort and security.

But as lovely as room sharing can be, it’s not always smooth sailing.

Challenges of Your Kids Sharing a Room

Room sharing can become tricky when siblings have different sleep schedules. One might fall asleep easily, while the other struggles to settle down. Some kids are early risers, while others like to sleep in. These differences can cause disruptions and make bedtime feel stressful.

Every family is different, and what works for one household may not work for another. But there’s one tip that works for almost everyone: make sure both kids are already sleeping well before you move them into the same room.

If either child struggles with falling or staying asleep, it’s best to keep them in separate spaces—at least for now. This might mean getting creative! Could you turn a large closet, guest room, or even a hallway nook into a temporary sleep space?

Setting Up a Shared Bedroom for Better Sleep

Once both kids have strong, healthy sleep habits, it’s time to set up their shared sleep environment in a way that supports good rest:

  • Place beds or cribs apart. Keep them on opposite sides of the room if possible.
  • Make the room cool, quiet, and dark. Use blackout curtains and keep the temperature comfortable.
  • Use night lights wisely. If needed, choose amber or red lights and place them out of direct view.
  • Add sound machines for each child. This helps mask noises and can prevent one sibling from waking the other.

Keep a Consistent Bedtime Routine

Consistency is key—whether your kids share a room or not.

Try to put both children to bed at the same time and go through the bedtime routine together. If their schedules are too different, stagger their bedtimes. Put one child to bed while keeping the other in a different room for some quiet one-on-one time before their own bedtime.

By the time your child is between 4 and 6 months old, any wake-up between 6:00 AM and 8:00 AM is considered normal. If one sibling wakes at 6:30 and the other at 7:15, that’s okay—they’re both within a healthy wake window.

Final Tips for Your Kids Sharing a Room

No matter your sleep setup, never underestimate the power of consistency and praise.

Be calm and clear with your expectations at bedtime and in the morning. Stick to the same routine each night, and celebrate your kids’ efforts—especially when they follow sleep rules or stay quiet during bedtime. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

With patience, structure, and lots of love, your kids can thrive in a shared bedroom—and you might even find that it brings them closer together.

Sleep Training for Babies: Why Cry It Out Works and How to Do It Right

Joan Becker Friedman Baby Sleep, Common Sleep Challenges, Nighttime Sleep, Parenting

Sleep training is hard. There are different approaches to resolving sleep issues, but even if you don’t choose to Cry It Out, in most cases, tears are inevitable. Those tears will tug at your heart strings. You’re not alone if you’re avoiding that experience. So many parents delay sleep training, thinking baby’s frequent wakings will stop on their own soon and you can make it just a few days or weeks more with sleepless nights. Unfortunately, in my professional experience, they don’t. Sleep issues typically keep going until parents deliberately and consistently change their messaging and actions around bedtime and nighttime. Babies aren’t born sleeping through the night, and just like the basics of eating and toilet training later on, they need our help to learn to sleep. And when you need sleep too, Cry It Out can be a great option.

Cry It out: The Quickest Solution, and The Most Misunderstood

Because of the common name, Cry It Out (CIO), Extinction gets a bad reputation. There are many misconceptions about this method that lead parents to say “no way.” Before I tell you how to utilize this quick sleep training method, I’m going to dispel some of those.

  • – Your baby will not cry non-stop for the whole night, and crying that does happen will lessen over the course of two or three days.
  • – You will listen to your baby’s cry, watch the monitor and address any true needs.
  • – Research has found CIO will not emotionally harm your child.

What Cry It Out Is

CIO is recommended by many pediatricians because it is the quickest and least confusing way to help your baby learn to sleep all night. Yes, there will be tears the first few nights. But, after those first few nights, it gets easier and easier. Other approaches can take two to three weeks or more. With Cry It Out you’re done sleep training in three to seven days! When you use a longer approach, in fact, there will be more crying over the course of those days.

When to Use Cry It Out

We always recommend waiting to sleep train until 16 weeks. During that time, you can implement sleep hygiene until your babe is ready to learn how to sleep all night. Some babies are ready at that four month mark, but the ideal age for implementing Cry It Out is five months. CIO can be appropriate for kids up to 18 months, according to Dr. Craig Canapari, Sleep Medicine Physician, Yale School of Medicine. Once your kiddo is older, you will want to consider another option.

How to Implement This Method

Okay, you’re starting to see the benefits. How do you actually do it? 

  • – Complete your baby’s bedtime routine. 
  • – Put your baby down to sleep while AWAKE but drowsy.
  • – Say good night and close the bedroom door.
  • – Don’t enter the room (or go to the crib if you’re sleeping in the same room) at all unless there’s a true need. A true need could be an arm or leg stuck between the crib slats, an “explosive” poop, vomiting, or an injury. 
  • – If a need does come up, go in, quickly resolve the need and leave the room again. 

It Feels Hard, But You Deserve Sleep

By going through Cry It Out, your baby will not cry for 12 hours straight. They will have intermittent bouts of crying between periods of sleep. These crying sessions will happen less often and be shorter by the third night. 

You’re not going in every time your little one wakes up because you’re giving your baby the time and space to learn how to self-soothe. Self-soothing is the essential skill that enables your baby to fall asleep independently and fall back to sleep independently. 

Sleep training can be hard but when you’re exhausted and need a quick solution, CIO is a safe, effective and fast way to resolve your baby’s sleep issues and end your own sleepless nights.

Postpartum Care Providers: Hands on Sleep Help for the Early Days

Joan Becker Friedman Parenting , ,

Postpartum care providers offer extremely hands on support for families in the fourth trimester. During those days and nights when you’re figuring out how to parent and trying to sleep, these infant care professionals are there for whatever baby-related needs you. Joan can help you navigate sleep once your babe is 16 weeks or older, but if you want more help in the early days, postpartum care providers are one of our favorite resources! We chatted with Karin Jones, owner of Loving Hands, LLC., about her work and how her team supports parents.

Why might a parent seek out a postpartum care provider for nights?

Parents seek overnight care for various reasons. They may be first time parents looking for encouragement and teaching. Some of the difficulties of newborn life include getting on a schedule, breastfeeding support, and that first bath.

Some families are having twins and have other young children as well, and just want a few nights each week to get some good sleep. 

The family may have no immediate family in the area and want that kind of support in the first few months to get off to a good start. 

When it’s time to go back to work, some parents want hands on help sleep training so babe is sleeping better before they return to work. Or, just need some nights of solid sleep as they’re transitioning back to work. 

Sometimes families want overnight help when one parent is traveling for work. And, some use our team when both parents go out of town. 

What support options do families have working with you and your team?

We offer teaching of newborn care, encouragement, breastfeeding support. We will bring baby to mom to nurse at night or will bottle-feed. Some families choose to do a combo of nursing and bottle-feeding. If mom pumps during the night, we will grab the milk from outside her door and either use the freshly expressed milk for the next feeding or put in the fridge for her. Then, we will wash the pump parts and put them back outside her door. 

We also help with baby laundry, washing and sterilizing bottles, restocking diapers and supplies, emptying diaper pail as necessary. We will give the baby a bath if needed. Anything to do with baby! 

How do you and the families determine if your services are a good fit?

I typically meet with the families a few months before delivery. Many of our families find us by word of mouth through their friends or other connections. So, they’re typically similar in personality as their friends we’ve worked with, and just so delightful and kind! 

Depending on where they live, their specific needs, how many nights they need per week, will determine which of our team members and how many they’ll meet and then I’ll create their team that will stay with them the duration of their needs. 

How do you help parents transition from having your team at night to being on their own?

I tell our families that we tend to “work ourselves out of a job”-that we stay until babies are consistently sleeping through the night, or pretty close to it.

We tell them that they can always call us back for short term help, if needed. If parents get sick and need extra rest, if they’re traveling, if baby has had some hiccups along the way and needs help getting back on track, we’re happy to step in.

Tell us about your work as a postpartum care provider.

Loving Hands has been in business for 22 years and has cared for over 200 families in the Milwaukee area, from first time parents, multiples, preemies, and babies with special needs. 

We help families who need anywhere from 1 to 7 nights a week and care for them from as little as a couple weeks to 4-6 months. Every family’s needs are different and we work individually with each family to provide the best care to assist them through these first few weeks and months of their little one’s life. 

We have an amazing team of infant care specialists who are all infant/child CPR certified, compassionate and love helping and encouraging new parents. 

Understanding Baby and Child Sleep Cycles

Joan Becker Friedman Baby & Child Health , ,

Variety is the spice of life, but that’s not true when we talk about baby sleep!

As new parents, we want our babies to have predictable sleep patterns. It’s frustrating and exhausting when they don’t. Unfortunately, it’s also normal for newborn sleep to be inconsistent. The best chance you have of catching as many Z’s as possible is to understand baby and child sleep cycles!

Newborn Sleep Cycles

New babies have two stages of sleep. There’s rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and non-rapid eye movement (non-REM) sleep. REM sleep is also known as active sleep, while non-REM is considered quiet sleep. A complete newborn sleep cycle includes both REM and non-REM sleep. During each sleep cycle, newborns spend an equal amount of time in each stage. During active sleep, baby’s eyelids may flutter, their mouth might move, they might twitch and their breathing might speed up. During quiet sleep, your baby remains still. 

Sleep Cycles Change With Your Baby

Between three and six months, babies develop a predictable circadian rhythm. This is when their sleep cycles lengthen to about 45 minutes. By six months, each cycle may be 60 – 75 minutes or longer. During this time, non-REM sleep develops into three stages.

  • Phase I – Very light sleep The eyes are closed. Your baby is relaxed but not quite asleep.
  • Phase II – The heart rate slows down; body temperature decreases and muscles relax.
  • Phase III – Deep sleep

During Phase I and Phase II, baby can wake up easily. During Phase III, or deep sleep, it is harder to wake a baby (or grown up, for that matter!)

Baby and Child Sleep Cycles- They Grow Up So Fast

Throughout childhood, sleep cycles progress to looking more like adult sleep cycles. By the time we reach adulthood, sleep cycles lengthen to 90 – 120 minutes. Adults spend approximately 20% of sleep time in REM sleep, whereas newborns spend 50% of their sleep time in REM sleep.

Using Baby and Child Sleep Knowledge to Get More Sleep

Newborn parents often check on their babies*, see them moving or hear them making noises and think baby is awake! We naturally want to jump in and help soothe baby to sleep. Plus, newborn parents are exhausted and want more sleep- whatever it takes!  

All of that said, the best way to help your baby sleep is understanding that movements and noise in REM sleep are normal. If you can wait to intervene until baby lets out a true cry, your baby has a chance to embark on the next sleep stage independently.

At the end of a sleep cycle, a baby (or an adult) either wakes up or just goes on to the next sleep cycle. Babies who sleep through the night, transition easily from one sleep cycle to the next without waking. Or, they may wake briefly (without you even noticing) and self-soothe back to sleep. This is where sleep associations come into play. If your baby associates falling asleep with holding, rocking, bouncing or feeding, they’ll want your help moving between each sleep cycle. If you’re exhausted, helping your baby learn to connect those sleep cycles gives both of you the gift of more sleep!

*If you find yourself checking your baby’s sleep so much that you can’t sleep when they sleep or it interferes with your functioning, please reach out to your medical team. This may be a sign of a perinatal mental health condition requiring additional support and/or treatment.

Understanding the AAP’s New Safe-Sleep Guidelines

Joan Becker Friedman Baby & Child Health, Baby Sleep, Parenting

Here at Peapod Sleep Consultants we’ve been working hard to digest the American Academy of Pediatrics’ (AAP) new safe-sleep guidelines and recommendations. It’s the first time in SIX years they’ve updated this information, so these new recommendations and clarifications are based on research that’s happened since then and will hopefully help prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

At the end of the day, the lead author of the new policy says keep sleep simple. 

“Simple is best. Babies should always sleep alone in a crib or bassinet, on their back, without soft toys, pillows, blankets or other bedding,“ said Dr. Rachel Moon. 

While you may have read the new safe-sleep guidelines, you also might have walked away wondering “what’s new here?” Mostly, these updated suggestions provide more specific guidance to clarify earlier recommendations.

What’s new in the new safe-sleep guidelines?

They’re more specific and they’re meant to clarify the earlier recommendations. Here’s the summary:

  • Try to share your room- NOT your bed- with baby for six months. While some parents may find bed sharing preferable, according to Dr. Rebecca Carline, co-author of the AAP report, said the evidence is clear that bed sharing increases the risk of a baby’s injury or death.
  • Inclined sleepers of any kind are not acceptable for sleep (and the Consumer Product Safety Commission agrees with their new rule banning certain types of inclined sleepers)
  • Swaddling is fine for sleep but should be discontinued with the first signs of rolling over.
  • Avoid weighted blankets, weighted swaddles or weighted sleep sacks.
  • Keep pillows, bumper pads, stuffed animals, blankets or any other types of soft bedding out of baby’s bed.
  • Try not to use car seats, bouncers, strollers, carriers, swings and slings for naps or night sleep. If a baby falls asleep in a car seat, they should be transferred to a crib or bassinet as soon as possible. During the first few months of life, a baby doesn’t necessarily have head or neck strength to keep their airway open in one of these products. 
  • Heart rate monitors and pulse oximeters you can buy in your average baby store are not recommended. The concern is false alarms and that they may provide parents with a false sense of security.

About That Six Month Rooming-In Suggestion

Yes, the guidelines suggest that you keep baby in your room for six months. But, there may be circumstances where it makes sense for your family to move baby to their room sooner. We say this with the knowledge that the greatest risk for SIDS is between one and four months. If you’re so sleep deprived at night that you’re bringing baby into your bed to catch up on sleep, it may be less risky to move baby into their own room than to keep them with you. Before you make any decisions, consult with your pediatrician. 

Returning Safe-Sleep Recommendations

The following safe-sleep guidelines remain part of the AAP’s recommendations:

  • Place your child on their back to sleep for all naps and night sleep.
  • Avoid overheating (68-72 degrees is the sweet spot)
  • Breastfeed or provide expressed human milk for six months or more. Editorial note: Fed is best! Please don’t feel any guilt if breastmilk is not a good choice for your family.
  • Offer your baby a pacifier at sleep times.
  • Avoid smoke exposure, alcohol and illicit drug use.
  • Try to work your baby up to 15 to 30 minutes of daily tummy time each day by seven weeks.

If you’re ever in doubt about a particular product, consult the Consumer Product Safety Commission https://www.cpsc.gov/ or the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association https://www.jpma.org/. If you have questions about any part of the newly revised guidelines, it’s best to consult with your child’s pediatrician.

Bedtime Changes For Sleep Anxiety

Joan Becker Friedman Baby & Child Health, Common Sleep Challenges, Nighttime Sleep, Toddler Sleep , ,
mother laying with child

“Mommy, lay with me.” 

“Can you hold my hand until I fall asleep?”

“One more hug.”

They’re the sweet bedtime murmurs of your little- or the exhausting demands of a child struggling with sleep anxiety. 

When children show sleep anxiety at bedtime (and they don’t express it during daytime hours) these manifestations- clinginess, procrastination, “one more…”- may be a sign that your child hasn’t mastered the ability to fall asleep independently. These kiddos don’t want you to leave their room because they can’t fall asleep without you. Your child stays on “high alert” each time you try to go. 

Inside your scared sleeper’s body their fears are getting in the way of their sleepiness. 

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Getting on the Same Page About Sleep Training

Joan Becker Friedman Parenting

Sleep training takes a little preparation to make sure it actually works! The first step for two-parent households is getting on the same page that sleep training is needed. We know you’re exhausted, and we know agreeing on anything is harder without sleep. When you’ve tried recommendations from your pediatrician and well-meaning family members and friends, if nothing seems to be working, you might need some outside help! But before you do that, make sure you and your partner agree on handling sleep.

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Popular Baby Sleep Products Banned by New Regulation

Joan Becker Friedman Baby & Child Health, Baby Sleep

On Wednesday, June 2, 2021, the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) approved a new infant safety regulation. All products intended for infant sleep will be tested to make sure the angle is less than 10 degrees AND they must meet current standards for cribs and bassinets. Neither of these is required of inclined sleepers and similar baby sleep products today.

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You Might Not Need A Baby Monitor

Joan Becker Friedman Baby Sleep, Parenting

Baby monitors have become a must-have for most new parents’ baby registries. They’re great at providing reassurance when you have a new baby. That is a wonderful benefit of this technology! And baby monitors are great if you and your kids are sleeping on different floors or you have a special needs child. But, if your kiddo is in the next room, you might not need a baby monitor.

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Finding the Motivation to Fix Sleep

Joan Becker Friedman Common Sleep Challenges, Parenting

Fussy, cranky, uncooperative….You know when your child is overtired. When you work a full day, take care of the kids, prepare dinner, clean up, do laundry, etc., etc., it may seem impossible to get your kids in bed at an age-appropriate bedtime. Late bedtimes, difficulty falling asleep, night wakings…all of it leads to parental frustration and ultimately, exhaustion for everyone. And who has the motivation to fix sleep issues when you’re tired?

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