It’s 3 a.m. You’re awake. Again. Googling “sleep training methods.” Google spits back thousands of pages with dozens of methods with all kinds of crazy names that really don’t seem to make much sense. Maybe because it’s 3 a.m. Or maybe it’s the crying-is-best, crying-is-awful, somewhere-in-the-middle conflict. Plus, your co-worker, friend from high school and cousin’s wife have probably also said, “We did this. It worked for us. Try it. We know it will work for you, too!” It’s easy to get overwhelmed with information. Most parents are! How can every online sleep expert claim to have the perfect solution? How do you know what will help and what won’t?
Despite the many “perfect” sleep training solutions, the truth is, there really isn’t a right or wrong way to help your baby learn to sleep. There are different ways to resolve sleep issues. The key is finding a way to teach your baby to sleep that feels right for you, your family’s situation and, most importantly, your baby.
The sleep training method you select has to be one that you can implement and one that you can stick with until you get the results you’re aiming for.
Changing sleep habits is tough. Likely, there will be some tears. Sometimes from baby, sometimes from you. Some parents prefer a really quick sleep training method with more tears. Other parents prefer a gradual approach, which typically involves fewer tears. Both options and a few “in-between” options will work as long as you stick with your choice. Whatever you select, your child will respond best when they know they can trust the plan. We hope we can help you trust yourself, too.
Let’s take a look at your options.
Gradual sleep training methods with lots of parental involvement
Pick up, put down method works best for babies four to six months. Place your baby in his or her crib while still awake. Leave the room. Each time your baby wakes up, pick up and soothe him or her. If he or she cries again, repeat again…. always placing him or her back in the crib while calm but awake. This approach tends to involve fewer tears, but it can take several weeks or even months until you finally have a good sleeper.
Fading, Chair method, Sleep Shuffle, Camping Out are all the same thing. It means you hang out while your child is falling asleep. Gradually, you remove yourself from the process of falling asleep or going back to sleep. It works well for children six months and older. Your presence makes this a gentler approach, which can take a few weeks to resolve sleep issues.
Sleep training methods that require a moderate amount of parental involvement
Progressive Waiting, Timed Checks, Graduated Extinction, Check & Console, Ferber Method are all terms that you might see for a very similar approach. With this approach, after placing your child in bed, you leave the bedroom and wait a pre-determined amount of time before you enter the room to console your child when he or she wakes up. You increase the waiting period a few times each night and each subsequent night. This approach usually takes about two weeks to resolve sleep issues.
The Sleep Wave Method has you put your child in bed and leave the room. If your child wakes up and starts crying, you open the door slightly and use a “good night” phrase until your child falls asleep. This approach usually takes one to two weeks.
The sleep training method that requires almost no parental involvement
With Direct method, Extinction method, Cry-it-Out you put your baby in bed, say good night and leave the room. You don’t go back in unless your child really needs you. Critical needs would include things like an injury, vomiting, diarrhea or a limb stuck between the crib slats. While the words “cry-it-out” tend to have a negative connotation and are often misinterpreted, crying-it-out doesn’t mean that your child will cry all night long. It certainly doesn’t mean that you ignore your child’s needs. While the direct/extinction/cry-it-out approach is not for everyone, it’s the quickest way to get your little one to sleep through the night!
When you’re trying to figure out what to do, ponder these questions:
- Can I handle a lot of crying for quick results or would I rather do this slowly and have fewer tears?
- “How involved do I want to be with the process?”
- “How much patience do I have?”
Some sleep training methods are better for infants, while others are best for toddlers and preschoolers.
While we know the information is out there, we’re here to help you sort through the options. We discuss the advantages and challenges of each approach. We lay out each step in great detail. In the end, it’s a matter of deciding which approach you feel fits your family best. We know you’ll be successful when you find the approach that’s just right for you – not your friends, family or sister’s neighbor.