Before I get too far into this post, it feels important to start with: I am not a sleep consultant. I’m just a sleep consultant’s social media manager, which comes with a certain amount of knowledge, but does not in any way make me an expert. I also think it’s fair to give you a heads up- my two-year-old has never been a good sleeper and still does not sleep through the night consistently, so when we brought home our “Tiny” I was determined to do things “better” with sleep the second time around. You’re likely reading this as a parent and know that sometimes all the “better” in the world makes absolutely no difference. And yet, I, like many of you, really like sleep. So, I ventured to do better.
The ABCD’s of Sleep
From Day One with my first son, we’ve focused on what we at Pea Pod Sleep Consultants call the ABCD’s. A bedtime routine and cold, dark room. We also throw in white noise for good measure. For both of our boys, it’s helped encourage better newborn sleep and we’ve been lucky in that regard! Granted, as a second time mom the sleep routine basically looked like a final feeding and diaper change in our room when I was ready to go to sleep, but it was something. Now, at four months, he goes through his brother’s bedtime routine (bath, jammies, story) and then receives one last feeding before going into his bed. Getting him into bed earlier in the night, though counter intuitive, helped him sleep longer! And has given my husband and I some quiet time together at night.
Sleep Habit Consistency- It’s a marathon, not a sprint
With our first son, my husband and I absolutely crumbled under the weight of his 4-month sleep regression. It hit us like a ton of bricks and every sleep lesson we’d learned went right out of the window. I fed him to sleep, I popped the paci a million times and, yes, he even ended up in our bed. We were trying our best to survive like many of us do, but we were playing the short game. We couldn’t see past our current struggles. Now that we have a two-year-old, we see the long game. The long game is more than occasional sleep in the first few years of life. So, despite wanting to follow the ole “when it doubt, whip it out” adage at night with our 2021 baby when he started regressing, I’ve committed to trying to get more sleep as a second timer without all the feedings. I shhh, rock, lay him down drowsy, but awake. I keep doing so until I hear him cry hungry. We also practice that skill during the day, which I’ve found incredibly helpful. I have the patience during the day to help him figure out connecting sleep cycles. And, it’s actually worked! His daycare teacher even commented on how great he’s gone down for naps. Miss Jeanette is a serious baby pro, so that is the highest of praise.
Following Baby’s Sleep Rhythm
This tactic can apply to just about anything with babies I’ve learned this go around. I’m a reporter by training and an anxious personality who thrives on information. So, as a first time mom I read ALL THE THINGS. And, as a result, I tried really hard to do things “right” with my oldest son. I tried to fit him into the boxes and sleep habits I’d read about. I say I’m doing things “better” with sleep as a second time mom because there is no right. Every baby, like every adult, has their own sleep cycles, their own preferences, their own natural tendencies, and it’s ok to follow those. I’m obviously biased, but that’s why working with Joan has such an advantage. Her consulting style tailors a plan to your family, rather than putting your family on her plan. She knows every family has unique needs and each child is their own little person, who you know best. As parents, we learn our baby with each passing day, giving us insight into how they tick and how to help them thrive! So I have tried to do the “right” things for sleep this second time, but in a way that fits Tiny’s personality and body clock.
When In Doubt, Help is Here
I work for Joan, so I absorb her infinite wisdom regularly and am so grateful for that. But, I was at an absolute loss when our two-year-old massively regressed after we brought home our second. My husband and I needed to sleep desperately. So, I reached out to Joan of course! It was just an email exchange, but she recommended a few approaches and it seems finally, four months after becoming a big brother, our big guy is back on track. I hesitated to reach out even though I know Joan because I really felt like it was something we should be able to fix on our own. After all, we’ve known this kid for two years. Shouldn’t we know what he needs to sleep? But, the reality is we might just know him too well. We hate to hear him cry and want to comfort him so badly that we ultimately needed a reminder that he needed a little tough love. So, we did that in a way that made sense with his personality and we are finally getting more sleep.
Getting to the Point
Parenting is an art, not a science. Sleep is a science, but one that requires the art of parenting to succeed. There is an answer for you and your family out there, it may just take some time to find it. Hopefully you can get some sleep before you’re a second time parent (if that’s your thing).And, as always, if you need an answer sooner, Joan is a fantastic resource.